I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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