So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
