I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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