i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
