Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
