Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
