i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
