she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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