o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
