Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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