girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
