if only i could text you this smell
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize