remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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