At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Too much gin, very little bucket
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
