lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
