cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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