I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
