Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
