Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
