Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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