Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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