Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
