mondays should just be called national damage control day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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