I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
