Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
