whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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