I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
