Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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