My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
