sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
nutella sex= disaster
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
