I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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