the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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