TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
