Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
