We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
