Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize