i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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