remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is the high leading the old right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We have started to decorate penises.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
