I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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