Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
