All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I forget how to act sober
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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