Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
