Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
