So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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