I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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