Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
