I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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