Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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