Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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