Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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