Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
