3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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