can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
