Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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