my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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