I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We are two peas in an std pod
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
