everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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