How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
