he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
