Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
