You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
