you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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