I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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