We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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