just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
