you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
