next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
