Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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