uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize