2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
