dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
