she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
