Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
