i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
