he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
