I didn't shave. On purpose
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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