I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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